So, first to address the elephant in the room – it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this blog. Mea maxima culpa. Last time I wrote there were mounds of snow and slicks of ice lining my path. Birds were shivering on branches; complaining about the weather was my favorite past time.
Big changes are afoot and I’m still unsure what will be the ultimate outcome. My relationship, 5 years old this summer, is imploding and I am writing from the guest room of a dear friend. For over six months I have been riding the winds of change – first leaving my stable, secure job… then quitting smoking… now my relationship. I’m feeling like a fluff of dandelion floating on the wind. Not knowing where I’ll land is both exhilarating and terrifying. If it weren’t for my family (out of state but certainly not out of the picture) and my friends and spiritual community, I would be completely freaked out.
OK I will admit, I am completely freaked out. The only things keeping me going right now are Joni Mitchell, my two part-time jobs, my obligations to my spiritual community, and my morning journaling practice. If it weren’t for these things, and the love of those who have it to spare, I would be an inert ball on the floor, fending off head-butts from my now-roommate’s cat as I mentally catalogue all of the questionable decisions I’ve made that have brought me to this point of sleeping on a twin-sized futon and having $12.57 in my checking account.
So I will just say it… I have no idea what is next for me or for this blog. It would be interesting to document this experience of life implosion and rebuilding, and I like the idea of having another thing to anchor me to “normal” life. I’ll try to keep showing up and I hope you will too, all five of you who are reading.